It was pure hatred, pure hatred. I absolutely despised myself. I was completely obsessed with...I wasn't even obsessed with...it wasn't calories because I didn't even know what calories where, like I was so...there was no diet, there was no like build up to this point, I loved food. Food was like a massive part of my life because I was so active. So, it was never about the calorie counting or at that point or checking foods and everything. I just was obsessed with making my body disappear, and I used to look in the mirror for hours on end, hating myself. I used to get in the car and if we had to go anywhere, I'd pull the car seat belt so tight that I'd end up bruising myself like that is how much I hated me being here